Hold: Hold & Hide Book 1 Read online

  The speaker crackled.

  “413, you will be staying inside your room today due to the dirt on your blanket. Please make sure your entire room is spotless before dawn tomorrow or you will not be permitted to leave.”

  I flopped back into my pillow and curled on to my side, balling the sheets into my fist and squeezing as hard as possible. I hated it here. I wanted to leave. I wanted Mom and Dad. And that’s saying a lot. More than a lot. Honestly though, I didn’t care if I never saw Blake or Audrey or anyone ever again, I just wanted to leave.

  But I refused to cry. I refused to allow Josephine the pleasure of seeing me cry, if she could see ... or hear ... or sense my pain. If she was even a she.

  I clenched my eyes and began to daydream until I remembered, vaguely, something Red told me.

  What was it?

  I fished through thoughts, but couldn’t remember. So I stared at waves of sunlight on my ceiling until I fell asleep again.

  I didn’t know the time when I woke back up. They never gave us clocks or watches. I still needed to go to the bathroom, but I was afraid to ask. So I walked to the window and looked for the sun, finding it right in the middle of the sky. About noon, I guessed, then noticed a figure on the ground. I squinted to be sure.

  Yes, it was exactly what I feared. A mangled body of life resting in a pool of deep red. I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl, or worse ... if it was Blake or Audrey. I opened my screen and peered out the window, but couldn’t see any better. Please don’t be anyone I know.

  Then I felt bad. As though it would be any less horrific if I didn’t know the person.

  That could be me.

  I eyed the ground and remembered a conversation I had with Blake.

  “I wouldn’t wish death on anyone,” I said.

  Just one year of this hell, I thought inside. One year and you’ll be home. With Blake. With your weird family. You’ll be happy again.

  I noticed the red light on the blood sample box. How did I sleep through it? Sweat dotted my hands as I touched the box, hoping to trigger it to open so I could give my blood to the strange people who ran this strange place. If only my parents had known what their precious Audrey had to endure, maybe they wouldn’t had agreed to this. Did they know? Did anyone know?

  A memory came to me. Casket. Buried alive. Did they do that to me? I imagined Audrey being forced into the same casket and wondered how she reacted. Did she obey without question? Did most people?

  What did I do?

  I tried to pull the memory back to the surface of my mind, but I couldn’t remember.

  The television spurned to life. There she was. That face. That long black hair and those piercing brown, almost black eyes with little hints of gold.

  “Hello, Josephine,” I said. “Looks like I’m stuck in here with you for a while.”

  “Fortunately so.” She smiled. “That’s perfectly fine. I have plenty for you to do. First, you may want to clean the spot on your bed. You are going to be here with me today and tomorrow due to the stain and also because you forgot your blood sample today.” She nodded toward my bed as though she could see it. “Go ahead and clean that up and ask for me when you’re ready.”

  “Clean it up with what?” I asked. “There’s no sink in here. No ... anything in here.”

  “I’m so sorry, 413, but I cannot help you.” Her face turned to a black screen.

  I looked around the room. The empty room. Nothing at all to use for cleaning, so I decided to rub my spit into the blanket and put it by my open window. Maybe the sun would whiten the spot. Maybe not. Wouldn’t hurt to try and apparently I had forty-eight hours to figure it out.

  I sat on my bed and pulled the sheets over my body. “Ready, Josephine.”

  Instead of her face filling the screen, a movie began to play. I relaxed and watched as a beautiful song played and an animated story book called Cinderella opened. A narrator read the words, “Once upon a time, in a faraway land....”

  I slouched into my bed. I had never seen the movie, but Mother mentioned it a few times as something she remembered from her childhood. I always wanted to see it, but didn’t understand why now. Why, after being disciplined, or whatever they considered this, did they allow me to lounge in bed and watch Cinderella?

  The movie continued and I found myself so amused that I could no longer question everything. When it ended, I desperately had to go to the bathroom. I mean, there would be no more holding back within the next five minutes.

  “Josephine,” I said, crossing my legs together. “I need to use the bathroom. Is there a way to unlock the door?”

  “I’m sorry, but you are unable to leave your room.”

  “But how will I go to the bathroom?”

  “You will need to wait it out,” she said, like it should be easy.

  No problem at all. No freaking problem at all.

  “But...” I rocked my body to keep from exploding. “What if ... what if I can’t?”

  “I will not be able to assist you further with this.” She disappeared again.

  I considered going out the window. I mean, what other option did I have? If I went somewhere in the room it would mess up the precious white and I’d be stuck even longer. But what would I do? Stick my butt out there and let it flow?

  I looked around the room for a cup, a container, anything. I searched the empty dresser drawers and the closet, wondering why they provided places for storage but gave us nothing to store.

  My bladder was seriously about to explode and I really didn’t want to deal with the consequences or embarrassment of peeing myself on my first day. Second day. Or was it the third day?

  I’m really starting to lose my mind.

  Okay. Think.

  I will not fail. I. Will. Not.

  I looked down as I failed. Lifting my dress so it wouldn’t get wet, I spread my legs and let my failure puddle between my feet. Disgusted with myself, I slipped out of my gross underwear and hoped they’d give me a new pair because I was about to submerge them fully into the puddle and try to clean up as much as I could.

  Ah. My bag. I forgot about my bag. I wasn’t allowed to wear the clothes I brought, but I could at least find a pair of underwear in there. I peeked under the bed where I left it, but didn’t see it. I lifted the blanket higher and pressed my cheek to the floor. Rays of light from the window beamed across the white-painted wood, brightening the room so I could see every inch under the bed.

  Immaculate.

  Great.

  I waited until my skin was dry and I sat on the bed again. My stomach rumbled as the television turned back on.

  Not again.

  But her face didn’t show up. Another movie started. I checked the blanket by the window and thankfully the stain lifted. “Thank you, sun,” I said as I made my bed and tried to relax again, but my door opened.

  Red walked in with a red gift bag and tired eyes. He set the bag beside me on the bed and dropped his hands to his sides, then walked back out the door.

  Odd.

  I opened the bag and saw a new pair of white underwear. Extremely embarrassing.

  I tried to pay attention to the movie, but Red’s face popped into my mind like a bizarre daydream. Cloudy though. I’d shove his face away and stare at the screen, but there it was again. He spoke to me, but I couldn’t hear or read his lips. He leaned toward me and pressed his hand to my cheek. His lips, inches from mine, glistened with anticipation.

  I pulled away, closed my eyes, and ignored the movie, the images taunting my mind, and ran away to the place in my memory where true contentment lived. The place reserved for Blake and me. For our memories.

  But they were faded and dull. I couldn’t reach them. I couldn’t reach him.

  I squeezed my eyes shut as a throbbing headache started in the back of my neck and engulfed my entire head. Rubbing my temples, I pulled the blanket over me to shield the light from penetrating my eyelids. The headache worsened, intensified, scorching my brain with heated wa
ves, getting worse with every second. Deep, shrieking pain swelling and swelling in my head. I pulled my hair and shook my head.

  Then I screamed and everything went black.

  Red stood over me, a fresh wound drying just above his left eye. I blinked a few times and realized he was standing in my room. Not in my mind.

  “It’s okay,” he said, placing his hand on my forehead and gently pushing me back toward the pillow. “They know I’m here.”

  “Who are they exactly? What is this?” I sat up anyway. “And why are you allowed in my room?”

  “I’m your guide,” he said. “I have a free pass to enter your room twice a day whenever I want to.”

  “For what?”

  “To help you get through this. To bring you food when you’re stuck in here.” He motioned toward the dresser and I almost jumped across the room to devour everything on that plate. His hand warmed my shoulder. “I’ll bring it to you. Relax.”

  He picked up the tray of food and set it on my lap. My mouth watered at the sight of the gourmet salad, steak, and majorly loaded baked potato as the steam swirled up to my nose. But … I remembered why eating could be a very bad idea.

  “Um….”

  He pushed the tray toward my stomach. “Try not to worry about it. You need to eat something.”

  “How did you know what I was thinking?”

  He shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

  I dipped my fork into the sour cream and cheese topped potato and brought it to my mouth, then stopped. “What?” I said, fork hovering there between us.

  He didn’t respond. Only smiled and continued to watch me stuff my face with deliciousness. I still worried about needing to go to the bathroom, but the taste and warmth in my stomach overpowered those concerns. Red watched me eat with a slight smirk. Perhaps he remembered being in my shoes. I finished eating, set my fork down, and asked, “So, is your twin brother back home now?”

  He shook his head. “That’s not something I like to talk about.”

  I understood and let it go.

  “I saw your sister this morning.” He set my empty tray back on the dresser and sat on the chair in the corner. For a second I worried he’d get something dirty, but he seemed careful enough.

  “And?” I said.

  “Do you think you’ll beat her?”

  “Um ... beat her at what?”

  “She seems pretty hardened.” He tapped the arm of the chair.

  “Beat her at what?”

  “Okay, so let me give you a little advice. That is what I’m here for after all. Think of me as a life ring in the middle of the ocean.”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “Seriously, you’ll need the help.” He crossed his legs and stared at me for a second before continuing. “First thing you need—”

  “What happened to your face?”

  He touched the wound.

  “I want to know.”

  “Just ... I think I fell or something.”

  “I’m supposed to believe that?”

  “Honestly...” He touched it again. “I can’t remember.”

  I laughed under my breath at the innocent dumbfounded look on his face as he rubbed the dried blood.

  “Anyway,” he said. “First, you need to understand that strength is in here.” He pointed to his temple. “Your mind is your best weapon against anything that happens to you here. They want to see a strong mind, not a strong body. So try not to show that you’re afraid, even if you are. And love...” He glanced out the window, then back to my wandering eyes. “Love is not a good quality to have while you’re here.”

  “Okay. I’ll just become smarter overnight and shut off my heart while I’m at it.” I eyed the tall glass of juice across the room, but definitely didn’t want to pee in my room again. “I just want to know why I’m here. What the purpose is. What all of this is for. Why twins?”

  He walked toward me and leaned down toward my ear. His breath lingered there, warming my neck, until he finally spoke one last single word before leaving the room.

  “Metamorphosis.”

  FIVE

  I woke up not entirely sure which day it was. As usual. The early morning sun hid behind a sheet of gray clouds, barely lighting my room. I shuffled toward the blood sample box and waited there until it allowed me to place my finger inside, then I made my bed, checked the entire room for any sign of dirt, and stood by the door rocking my body back and forth to avoid another bathroom accident. Finally it beeped once and clicked open. I didn’t wait for a voice to come through the speaker as I jogged toward the bathroom at the end of the hall.

  “Claire!” a voice called from behind me.

  I waved my hand in the air as I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door. I can’t tell you how good it felt to see that toilet.

  I did my thing, washed my hands, and casually walked back into the hallway as though everything about that experience was completely normal.

  Emily’s wide eyes looked up and down. “Are you okay?”

  “Fine.” I looked over my body to see whatever it was that made her eyelids shoot toward the ceiling. “What?”

  “People said you ... never mind.” She shook her head and we walked toward the stairs. “So you missed yesterday’s assignment?”

  “What was it? Did you do the coffin thing?”

  “Yeah. That didn’t scare me. I knew they wouldn’t kill me.”

  I couldn’t remember if it scared me. Only a foggy memory of dirt piling on top of the coffin. “What was yesterday?”

  “Well, we had a break the first day you were locked in your room. Got to meet a few people and talk to the others for once. Yesterday we had to stay calm in a box filled with spiders and, well, that one freaked me out a little.”

  “Kinda glad I missed that one. Does anyone know what this is all for?”

  She stopped mid-steps, inched toward me, and cupped my ear with her hand. “Some people say we’re here for some kind of brain experiment, but others are saying it’s some kind of testing to find leaders for different programs.”

  I shook my head and didn’t bother to whisper or hide my annoyance. “I don’t get why our parents would agree to this.”

  She shrugged. “Doubt they know details.”

  “What about the other twins before us who leave and go back home? Don’t they tell their family and friends what they went through?”

  She shrugged again as we entered the cafeteria. I immediately saw him. Emily continued to speak, but I stopped listening and almost ran toward Blake before someone snatched the seat next to him.

  I practically fell into the chair. “Finally.”

  “Claire, are you okay?” He tucked my hair behind my ear and shifted his legs so that his knees met mine. “I heard you were already locked in your room. What happened?”

  “I don’t remember. Maybe it was the blood sample thing or ... I kinda ...”

  “What?”

  “I had to go to the bathroom and they only allow us to leave the room when—”

  “That is so messed up.” He picked up his fork as a server placed a salad in front of us. “I’m done with this place. I was ready to leave before we came.”

  “Your mom was pretty upset when she left you guys.”

  “Yeah.” He shoved the salad around his plate. “She never wanted this for us. But my dad—”

  “Blake.” I leaned over our plates. “I missed you.”

  He stopped his fork, stared at his plate, and nodded. Shoulders low, eyebrows reaching for each other, cheek bones way relaxed ... can’t say I’d ever seen Blake so depressed.

  We continued to eat in silence. One too many people at the table were listening to our conversation. I didn’t know them. Didn’t trust them. Maybe I already said too much. Maybe I couldn’t help it.

  When everyone began to leave the room I squeezed Blake’s hand and made sure he looked into my eyes. “It felt so good to see you.”

  His smile, hardened by our new circumstances, fought
for its life as he squeezed back. We stood and stared at each other for a few seconds. I took in every last feature, hoping I’d see him again, hoping we’d connect before this hell was over.

  His smile brightened for an almost non-existent second, then dimmed again as though he had a dark secret to confess. “There’s something I—”

  “Claire.” Audrey pulled me toward her. “Oh, seriously? This isn’t time to play pretend with your little boyfriend.”

  She yanked my arm and pulled me away from him. I shrugged and mouthed, “Sorry,” as I backed up toward the door.

  He mouthed, “Watch out for....” then held up seven fingers, then one, then three. 713.

  “Claire!” her voice pinched my ear drums as she tightened her grip around my arm. “Pay attention.”

  I finally looked at her and can honestly say I’d never seen her look like that before. Bloodshot eyes. Knotty hair pulled back into a haphazard pony tail. No makeup. Dark circles and chapped lips.

  “Um ... Audrey?”

  She leaned into me. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m sneaking out of here. If something happens to me I want you to tell Mom and Dad that I love them, but it was too hard.”

  “But you never give up. You don’t believe in it.”

  “This is different, Claire.” She closed her eyes tight and shook her head. “This is so freaking different.”

  “You can’t just leave. They’ll totally catch you.”

  I didn’t realize we had already reached her floor. She stopped and reached for the door handle to leave the stairwell. To leave me. And Mom. And Dad.

  They’d never get over it.

  “Audrey,” I pleaded, hoping she’d see the love in my eyes, but her gaze went through me, not into me. “Audrey?”

  She blinked a few times. Dazed. I snapped my fingers in front of her face and she smiled.

  “And you said I was spaced out with Blake.”

  She tilted her head. “Who’s Blake?”

  A speaker shrieked, then a voice said, “Forty-five seconds to enter your rooms. Please do not delay.”

  She immediately disappeared.

  I wished I could too.